Paul Kerryson

Paul Kerryson's final production as Artistic Director is The Sound of Music, the story of a Governess who tames an unruly bunch of children. Not a million miles away from Kerryson's own trials nursing the fledging Curve Theatre to success over the last five years.
When he arrived at Leicester's Haymarket Theatre in 1991 Paul already had a wealth of experience as a performer and director. Starting off with a 3 year stint in Cameron Mackintosh's production of Godspell he moved to Manchester ( he still has a house there) as an actor and choreographer where he discovered his affinity with Sondheim's shows while working on the European premieres of Follies and Pacific Overtures. Both of which he eventually brought successfully to the Haymarket.
From Manchester Paul moved to Oldham Theatre in his first stint as an Artistic Director. Within 12 months he was in Leicester where, for the last 23 years, he has guided the city's cultural tastes as well as helming the creation of the jewel in Leicester's cultural crown, Curve. Throughout those two decades Kerryson has introduced this oasis in the East Midlands to such diversities as Sondheim, Larry Kramer and virtually every 'standard' musical ever written. A fair few of these revivals have transferred to the West End, notably Mack & Mabel, The King and I and Hot Stuff; the latter an original creation of Paul and Maggie Norris. But his expertise is not just reserved for 'grown up' musicals. He can turn his hand to many genres, including children's theatre and serious drama. I will never forget watching Pillowman in Curve's Studio space. He was also responsible for creating The Haymarket's hugely successful annual Promenaids charity weekends where he cajoled his colleagues into making fools of themselves onstage for a very worthwhile cause.
I moved to Leicester in 1990 and have been lucky enough to have seen countless productions that Paul Kerryson has directed. Amongst the many innovations that he has brought to Curve has been community projects; huge productions involving lots of talented local performers often being given their first taste of performing in a professional show under the tutelage of a master of his craft. He has also been responsible for nurturing strong links with De Montfort University's drama students.
We will miss Mr Kerryson when The Sound of Music finishes but a little bird tells me that he may not be leaving Leicester behind completely.

First published in Western Gazette
© Paul Towers 2012

Sir Richard Attenborough

Sir Richard Attenborough
1923 - 2014

The Rt Hon. The Lord Attenborough, CBE, Dickie to all his friends, eldest of three sons to Mary and Frederick Attenborough, was a prodigious talent with a very firm connection to Leicester which he never forgot.
Born in Cambridge, Richard Samuel Attenborough moved to Leicester when his father, an esteemed scholar and academic was appointed Principal of University College, Leicester (later to become Leicester University) and the young Dickie took up his studies at Wyggeston Grammar School for Boys.
Leaving school he was drafted into the Air Force and, luckily for generations to follow, ended up in the RAF Film Unit at Pinewood. His interest in performing had been nurtured by his participation in productions at Leicester's Little Theatre, an establishment he maintained a connection with as patron until his death.
His first film, In Which We Serve, was uncredited but saw him working under The Master, Noel Coward, who both wrote and directed this patriotic morale booster. From that inauspicious start in 1942 right up to 2002 Dickie made at least one film per year. From 1960 he also wore a producer's and director's hat for several films.
Alongside his extensive showbiz career, Attenborough held a huge number of corporate titles ranging from President of Chelsea Football Club to President of BAFTA and President of RADA.
Throughout his life he and his wife, actress Sheila Sim, retained very strong links with Leicester and he filmed scenes for several productions locally, most famously on the Great Central Railway for Shadowlands with Sir Anthony Hopkins.
A slew of titles were conferred on Sir Richard and reached a pinnacle with his ennoblement as Baron Attenborough of Richmond.
One of the most remarkable things about this giant of so many areas of life is that you would be very hard pressed to find anyone to say a bad word about him. As an epitaph for a life well lived you can't ask for more than 'He was a lovely man'

First published in Western Gazette
© Paul Towers 28/8/2014

Jeffrey Holland

To those of us who are (unfortunately) over 40 Jeffrey Holland will forever be Spike, the trainee comedian to Paul Shane's Ted Bovis in TV's Hi Di Hi. The Sorcerer's Apprentice, if you will. Those under 40 will likely never have heard of him unless they have had the pleasure of one of his many theatrical performances.
I met up with Jeffrey as he was preparing for a three night run of his co-authored play 'and this is my friend Mr Laurel' at the Upstairs at The Western theatre in Leicester as part of the Dave Leicester Comedy Festival. As we sat in the empty auditorium he was fulsome with his memories of working in TV and on stage.
We started off chatting about his love of pantomime. He has just finished his 42nd season, 24 of them as dame. Often he is working with his wife, Judy, which mean they have much more time together than if he were touring alone, as he often does. With two grown up children and the recent arrival of his third grandchild, Jeffrey is a contented man doing a job he adores.
The Stan Laurel play is certainly a labour of love for Jeffrey. For many years he has been fascinated by the most successful double act in cinema history. Together Laurel and Hardy churned out 106 films between 1921 and 1951; alongside that Stan appeared in an additional 66 films between 1917 and 1928 without his fat chum.
As an actor who specialised in playing bungling fools onstage, Holland certainly felt an empathy for the onscreen idiot Stan Laurel. Both of them, however, are the polar opposite off-stage, capable, creative and business savvy. Laurel in particular wrote and directed virtually all of the Laurel and Hardy output. While Jeffrey can't claim the same controlling influence over his own livelihood, in his own quiet way he was steered a very successful jobbing actor's career over the past 50 years and shows no sign of slowing down just yet!
Jeffrey Holland's career started in the Belgrave Theater in Coventry where he spent 5 years in repertory learning his craft. Taking any acting job that he was offered he finally came to the notice of Croft and Perry, the creative writers behind Hi Di Hi, Dad's Army and Ello Ello. Several small parts finally lead to the character of Spike being created especially for him in Hi Di Hi, the very successful series set in a tatty 1950's holiday camp. From there he was cast in virtually every Croft and Perry show, even taking Dad's Army out on tour in the stage version.
While Jeffrey is now only seen on TV in cameos for shows like Coronation Street he has a very busy life in various stage productions. As well as touring his one man play, 'and this is my friend Mr Laurel', he is in rehearsals for Ray Cooney's 'Two Into One' running from 8th March to 26th April at Menier Chocolate Factory in London.
'and this is my friend Mr Laurel' can be seen at Upstairs at The Western until Friday 21st February and then at Kenton Theatre, Henley on Thames on March 29

First published in Western Gazette
© Paul Towers 19/3/2014

Quentin Crisp

QUENTIN CRISP
1908-1999

In 1975 I noticed that in the area of East London where I lived and thrust my sexuality into the faces of all and sundry, as many newly out gays tend to do, the general term of abuse shouted at me by louts was 'Quentin Crisp'. This only lasted a couple of years but was the direct result of Thames Television's audacious televising of Crisp's autobiography, The Naked Civil Servant, starring John Hurt.
This book had been floating around since 1968, the eve of decriminalisation, when it had sold a respectable 3,500 copies on publication and garnered several favourable reviews. Being a book it had not attracted the attention of the uneducated masses and had passed most people by. Television exposure put paid to that ignorance.
After having been heard on radio reading extracts from it Crisp was approached by Thames TV who dramatised the book and broadcast it in 1975. The rest, as they say, was history.
Suddenly being 'discovered' at the age of 67, Quentin (née Denis Pratt) took to showbiz like a duck to water. A popular guest on the chat show circuit Crisp had just one philosophy for making successful appearances. 'All you have to do' he maintained 'is look pleased to be there. It's like a party.'
A trip to America for promotional purposes resulted in Crisp moving there and becoming 'A Resident Alien' and inspiring Sting's hit 'An Englishman in New York'. He still travelled all over the world with his one-man show, An Evening With Quentin Crisp and appeared in a variety of film and stage shows. He played Lady Bracknell in Wilde's Importance of Being Earnest and Queen Elizabeth in Orlando as well as many roles as himself. His literary output didn't stop at The Naked Civil Servant (a reference to his days as a nude model working for the Council). Several tomes of his eclectic outpourings on a variety of subjects have sold well along with several volumes of autobiography. He also earned a regular living writing reviews for Christopher Street Magazine and New York Native.
Many will say that Quentin Crisp put back the cause of gay liberation by 50 years when he portrayed gay men as limp wristed, purple haired and out to capture any straight man within striking distance. While this may be true, he should be given credit for at least bringing to the public's attention the very subject of inequality and prejudice. He has been labelled by some as a spokesman for the gay community. Nothing could be further from the truth. Most gay men would run a mile at being confronted by the apparition that was Quentin Crisp in the flesh, and most would be reluctant to admit that he did their cause any good at all, especially when he called homosexuality an illness.
In many ways Quentin Crisp was the Oscar Wilde of the late 20th century; witty, admired (but only from afar) and best thought of in the abstract. He was, without doubt, a singular person, the like of which we will never see again. He leaves behind him legacy of wit which will brighten many a day.
Quentin Crisp died on 21st November 1999 from a heart attack mid-way through yet another tour of his one man show.

First published on Gay UK Net
© Paul Towers 2/12/2000

Wendy Richard

From sexpot in 'Are You Being Served' to downtrodden drudge in 'Eastenders' you may be forgiven for thinking that Wendy Richard has come down in the world. But underneath that much maligned cardigan of Pauline Fowler beats the heart of a woman who has been through the mill somewhat.
In her book, 'Wendy Richard … No S', Ms Richard details the long and varied route her career has taken to this point where she is a national icon for housewives everywhere. From her early days as a pop idol at 15 (singing (?) with Mike Sarne in the seminal Come Outside and re-recorded with Mike Berry in 1986 ) through a stint in the Carry On films, many TV appearances and finally to her long running participation in series like Are You Being Served?, Dad's Army and Eastenders, Wendy Richard has carved a niche for her idiosyncratic style in the British (and worldwide) viewing public's affections.
Rumour has it that Wendy was discovered working as a secretary in Robert Stigwood's office when she was chosen to work with Mike Sarne on the aforementioned Come Outside. But, as she is supposed to have been only 15 at the time (1962) it seems a little far fetched that she was working in an office. However, whatever the truth, she did end up being part of that particular pop sensation and her career was kick started. Rumour also has it that she had a small part in the Beatles film, Help! in 1965. Unfortunately her participation in this particular piece of pop history ended up on the cutting room floor. In her autobiography Wendy dates this as happening at the age of 20, which makes her birth date as 1945. Somewhat at odds with the officially quoted date of 1946, 1947 or 1948 (depending on what source you read)
A graduate of the prestigious Italia Conti Stage Academy after a formal education at the Royal Masonic School for Girls (her father died when she was 11 and, a mason, entitled his daughter to free education), the young Wendy was in demand for TV work after having worked with Sammy Davis Jnr as background glamour with a young Mandy Rice Davies. Several films (including 3 Carry On's) and many TV appearances later she finally got her big break with the part of Miss Brahms in what was supposed to be a one-off called Are You Being Served?
Wendy had served her sit-com apprenticeship in virtually every comedy series on TV with regular appearances in Dad's Army, Dick Emery, Fenn Street Gang, Please Sir, Hugh and I, The Likely Lads, On The Buses and Up Pompeii! These were alongside 'straight' acting roles in shows like Danger Man, The Newcomers (her first soap), No Hiding Place and Z Cars.
From Are You being Served? it was no surprise to find she was to be a lynchpin of the new soap Eastenders in 1985. Despite her continuing role in Walford, Wendy still finds time for panto and radio work as well as numerous appearances fund raising for charity.
Originally born in Middlesborough, Teeside (surprisingly enough) Wendy Richard long ago decided she wouldn't conform with a 'BBC accent' and her adopted working class screech has stood her in good professional stead. With 3 much publicised marriages behind her and a successful battle against breast cancer it looks like the 55 (or 54, 53, 52) year old actress will be entertaining us for another 40 years.

'Wendy Richard … No S' is published by Simon & Shuster
First publised on Gay UK Net
© Paul Towers 28/11/2000

Anthea Turner

Life as a book reviewer, and especially autobiographies, often entails pretending you either like the person or find their dreary lives interesting. When I read Anthea Turner's tome, Fools Rush In, I found that it was far from dreary. However, I can make no bones about the fact that I loathe the woman, perhaps even more than I loathe Ulrika Johnson! After all the never ending media coverage of the Grant Bovey saga I was hoping to find that Ms Turner, ex-Blue Peter lovely and GMTV stalwart, was the unwitting third side of a triangle manipulated by her new husband. Instead I found her to be a scheming, self centred cow who deserves all the vilification that comes her way.
Born in 1960, Anthea's mother is an ex-teacher and her father runs a soft-furnishings company. She went to the local comprehensive in Stoke on Trent but was so unhappy her parents sacrificed financial comfort to send her to a Catholic Girls School (rather too late to instill too many morals, by all account). Gaining 2 A Levels Anthea then went to work for the local radio station before moving to Sky TV as a VJ and thence to Blue Peter. Two years later she moved to GMTV where her image in the public's eye was cemented as the girl next door.
Of course her adoring public had little idea of her bed hopping methods of career advancement and her subsequent rise to prominence. First there was Bruno Brookes (Radio 1 DJ and now dot.com millionaire) and then Peter Powell (Radio 1 DJ and now millionaire Agent) before currently settling for Grant Bovey. She dismisses Brookes as a dominating control freak but she still stayed with him for more than four years. I wonder if that had anything to do with the good he was doing her career, especially the introduction to her second big affair and first husband, Peter Powell, soon to be her agent/manager?
Married to Peter in 1990, a cynic may well have wondered how soon his usefulness would run out. The answer would be 7 years. Grant Bovey, Anthea's second husband, was one of Peter's best friends and he and Della, his then wife, were often seen out with the Powells as a foursome. At the requisite 7 years Anthea got the itch and Grant was the one to scratch it for her. The ensuing media circus surrounding the breakdown of the Powell marriage, Anthea's affair with Grant Bovey, their parting, reuniting and eventual marriage are recounted in uncompromising detail and it is glaringly obvious that Ms Turner is desperate to exonerate herself from the full brunt of moral judgement. However, with nearly half the book devoted to the ins and outs of her love affair with Grant Bovey, she only serves to stir the whole sorry mess up in the public's mind once again. She comes out of it as an insecure woman, desperate for children and a career who will lay down for the person who will give her what she wants. In the beginning it was career advancement and now it is children. One gets the impression that when Mr Powell wouldn't or couldn't give her offspring it was only a matter of time before she either got a turkey baster or a stud. Enter Grant Bovey. Whatever the merits of the man that attracted Anthea this time, once she got her claws into him it is obvious he will never get away until such time as he has outlived his usefulness. I'll give it 10 years.

Fools Rush In published by Little Brown (£16.99)
First published on Gay UK Net
© Paul Towers 16/11/2000

Martine McCutcheon

Not many ex soap stars actually make the leap into the music business successfully. Adam Ricketts and a couple of others spring to mind but most are no more than one hit wonders. This makes Martine McCutcheon's elevation to her current level of 'serious' singer even more astounding. Not only is she able to pump out the populist tracks but she is obviously quite capable of more cerebral numbers as well. At 24 she has just published her autobiography (albeit with the acknowledged rewriting of her ghost writer) Who Does She Think She Is? (Century Publishing) which details her turbulent childhood, desperate need for stardom and balancing act needed to stay on top.
Born in Hackney, East London, Martine's violent father left when she was a baby and her impoverished Mother struggled on. However, he regularly returns to invade her life and cause trouble. Once asked if she had a single nice memory of him, Martine said flatly no. Such was his disruption of their lives that her mother had to have a panic button installed and wired to the local police station. Her mother's continual badgering of charities eventually meant Martine got a grant to attend stage school and, at 10, attended the famous Italia Conti School where she developed a label queen mentality aspiring to the baubles sported by her classmates' parents.
She pounded the well worn path of many wannabes and toured the club circuit as part of a girl group. A spell working behind the counter at Knickerbox at Lakeside was interrupted when she got a small temporary part in Eastenders. She stayed for 3 years until the Perfect Moment record deal came up.
Martine professes to being totally unlike Tiffany 'Tiffany was based on me Mum. That's how I knew her really well but I knew she wasn't me' Losing her virginity at the, late for some, age of 17, Martine has only had two serious relationships. Looking at her childhood and the appalling behaviour of her father she is, understandably, wary of men but still seems to be attracted to roughs (shades of Sam Fox). Her current beau, Jonathon Barnham, is awaiting trial on cannabis smuggling charges. 'Between careers', Barnham is seen by many as a gold-digger but Martine, who put up £75k bail money for him, stands by him.
But what is next for the East End sparrow who is showing definite signs of following in screen mum-in-law Peggy Mitchell's (Barbara Windsor) footsteps? A guest role in The Knock and the release of her first film next year will coincide with her much trumpeted role as Eliza Doolittle in Trevor Nunn's My Fair Lady. Unconventionally she will be a natural cockney schooled to appear posh, exactly as the role reads.
Reading her book you get the impression that beneath all the phlegmatic, shrewd and controlling woman she appears to be is a very insecure little girl balancing a tight rope very much in the mould of Marilyn Monroe.

Who Does She Think She Is? Published by Century £16.99
First published on Gay UK Net
© Paul Towers 15/11/2000

June Whitfield

To those of us who have grown up with the TV career of the inimitable Miss June Whitfield she has always been old, or perhaps mature is a better word. What I am trying to get at is that she has never seemed to be young and flighty. These days she is justly lionised as the naïve mother of monstrous Edina Monsoon in Absolutely Fabulous and fondly remembered as June of Terry and June fame. What many do not realise is that she has a huge back catalogue of appearances in theatre, film and TV stretching back to the early 50's. In fact she was a leading participant in what was to become light entertainment on TV and has appeared with all the great comedians from Wilfred Pickles to Julian Clary with Tony Hancock, Tommy Cooper and Frankie Howard along the way. Equally at home in both sitcoms and sketch shows she is truly a comedian's moll, June Whitfield has now at last, in her 60's, had her genius recognised in its own right.
Born in November 1925, June Whitfield looks much younger than her 75 years but seems to have been entertaining us for far longer. Her mother, a frustrated actress who poured all her yearnings into amateur productions, sorely tested the patience of her put upon husband. But this atmosphere, far from scarring the young June, merely highlighted how much her parents loved her. As testament to their good parenting skills June and husband Tim have recently celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary.
Starting out taking acting lessons from a Miss Massey and her 'companion' on Streatham Common June entered RADA in 1942 right in the middle of World War 2. She learnt her trade and made a modest living doing all sorts of parts on the stage, everything from light comedy to musicals.
In the late 60's however, June Whitfield met the man who was to have as profound an influence on her life as her husband of 10 years, Terry Scott. June and Terry first appeared together on a show called Scott On ….. So successful was their on screen partnership that they soon appeared in Happy Ever After and a string of appearances led to a TV partnership which lasted 20 years.
Nowadays June is experiencing a resurgence of popularity as yet another generation discover the comic talents of one of Britain's funniest and most talented actresses. Slipping seamlessly into any comic genre you care to name, June Whitfield dominates the airwaves of both TV and radio nearly 50 years after her debut. Her gift for mimicry means she is in constant demand for radio and voiceovers. What more can you say except to confirm that she is Absolutely Fabulous.

'And June Whitfield' by June Whitfield is published by Bantam Books
First published on Gay UK Net
(c) Paul Towers 14/11/2000

Hugh Paddick

HUGH PADDICK
1915- 2000

Born in 1915, Hugh Paddick was a stalwart of radio during the ground breaking 1960's. That rare item, a gay man playing a gay man in the hugely popular Kenneth Horne series' on the then named Home Service, Hugh was the never-sidelined sidekick to outrageous Kenneth Williams' Sandy in the perennially popular Julian and Sandy sketches and often ad libbed at the same pace as Williams. Written by Barry Took and Marty Feldman , these innovative characters were the first long running gay characters in popular entertainment. Created even before decriminalisation of homosexuality, Julian and Sandy set the (some would say unfortunate) tone for all comic gays for decades to come. Think John Inman and Larry Grayson's love child and you are halfway there!
But this was only part of Hugh's repertoire. Paddick was a farmer's son who, trying to better himself, studied law but failed his exams and enrolled in drama school instead, much to his family's disappointment. Tall and good looking, Hugh was, for many years, a leading man in Liverpool Rep. His next break came with the part of Percival Brown in The Boy Friend in 1954. This led to many more West End roles including revue and eventually to his success on radio in beyond Our Ken and Round The Horne. Although theatre was his first love (he had success in My Fair Lady at Drury Lane along with virtually every stage hit of the time. He even did a season at the National with Paul Schofield and Ben Kingsley), he never thought TV and film were beneath him and was seen in a multitude of sitcoms (usually as the 'straight' man) and plays alongside his prodigious number of supporting roles in films.
I first met Hugh Paddick in the 70's when I was living in Brighton and he was touring with some show at the Theatre Royal. I met him in a tea shop having a bun and a cuppa. An avid fan, I stopped to say hello and congratulate him on his past work. For some reason we clicked and saw each other every time he came to Brighton, nothing special, just a nice chat. He would come to my flat for tea between performances. He was not in the least bit pretentious or starry and endeared himself to all who met or worked with him.
Hugh died on 9 November 2000 and is survived by his partner of more than 30 years, Francis.

First published on Gay UK Net
© Paul Towers 13/11/2000

Stephanie Lawrence

Troubled glamorous West End musical star Stephanie Lawrence was found dead at her home on November 4th. Famous especially for her role as Marilyn Monroe on stage in Marilyn! the musical biography in 1983, Stephanie was the darling of the West End with all the top musical roles in the 80's and 90's. From Evita to Cats, Starlight Express to Blood Brothers, her star shone brightly but hid a troubled inner torment.
Born of a theatrical mother and bandleader George Lawrence, baby Stephanie was bound to follow their grease painted footsteps into showbiz. Her mother, Gladys, ran a stage school on Hayling Island and, schooled by her, Stephanie got her first taste of audience approbation aged 2. At 8 she went to another stage school in Tring and ended up dancing with Pans People and The Lionel Blair Dancers. Her mother inexplicably taught her to tap dance in roller skates. A skill not likely to be useful to a star in the making until you realise she got one of her biggest breaks creating the role of Pearl in Starlight Express. Coming hot on the heels of her taking over from Elaine Page in Evita, her fame was assured.
But it was this very fame, just like poor Norma Jean Baker, that plagued her. Was she good enough? Would the bubble burst tomorrow? Just like Marilyn Stephanie suffered from insomnia, laying awake all night worrying. And just like Marilyn she found it hard to make lasting relationships with men. Her career always came first.
In 1991 came the role that would occupy her for the next 4 years. The lead in Blood Brothers is, as any actress who has played it will tell you, is a very demanding one emotionally and Stephanie found the stress getting to her. Her mood swings at this time caused her colleagues to worry and, coupled with her interminable sleeplessness, pushed her closer to the bottle. Cameron MacKintosh, producer of Cats, fired her after she fell 15' from a stairway due to lack of concentration. He hoped that if she wasn't working she would get herself in shape, stop the boozing and bounce back to the top of the bill where she belonged. But this was not the hoped for rebirth but the start of the end. Despite efforts to revitalise herself and a spell in detox clinic (she returned to Blood Brothers in January 2000) Stephanie continued her decline and her hoped for discovery by Hollywood never happened. Stephanie Lawrence died this month and left behind her recently wed husband, Laurie Sautereau but her candle in the wind, like Norma Jean's, will never die.

First published on Gay UK Net
© Paul Towers 10/11/2000

Geri Halliwell

The artist-formerly-known-as-Ginger Spice's self promotion bandwagon continues its headlong passage into the public consciousness.
After the world domination of the Spice Girls, Ginger's departure and the flowering of Geri Halliwell as a solo artist what possible reason could there be for a 29 year old girl to write her autobiography, 'If only'? Well, if you are looking for the real reason she left the Spices, forget it. It is glossed over as 'our ambitions were going in different directions'. However, if you are looking for the reason why she is as neurotic as she is then the book shows it amply. A rebellious teenager from lowly educated parents, an emotionally absent father and an unchannelled enthusiasm and energy all combined to produce an inbuilt insecurity and desperate need for attention.
Since leaving school Geri has drifted from attention seeking job to attention seeking job. Always enough to keep the wolf from the door but never enough to satisfy the global acceptance that she craves. Even her success with the Spice Girls was tempered with an innate sense that 'she would be found out' very soon.
Her entire adult life has been blighted by her continuing fight against bulimia as witnessed by her yo-yo-ing weight over the years. Geri explains food's impact on her life by the way, as a child, 'it was used as a comfort, bribe or punishment' and her mother's advice that 'you have to suffer to be beautiful'.
Her father was in his 50's and effectively disabled with 'a dodgy hip and bad asthma' when she was born. A dreamer, her mother said, he had no drive or ambition and spent his days tinkering with old cars in the garage while his wife cleaned the local library to put food on the table. Is it any wonder the young Geri retreated into a child-like fantasy world?
In 'If Only' Geri doesn't pull any punches, the warts and all are related in all their glory. Halfway through the book you start to get the impression that you have intruded on a therapy session. Geri admits at the end that writing it has been cathartic. One thing that did strike me was the very readability of the tome. No ghost writer is credited and something about the writing is very direct and personal. So one has to assume that it is Geri's work and Geri's work alone. In which case, the lady could make a good living as a novelist if she tried. Perhaps that is another area that she could try to find that elusive high of approbation.
'If Only' is a roller coaster ride of the emotions, neuroses and disappointments of a wannabee who finally makes it to the top of the ladder but still wants/needs more rungs to climb. Geri Halliwell will never be satisfied with what she has achieved and that is a shame for she will never find contentment or fulfillment.

'If Only' by Geri Halliwell Bantam Press £14.99
First published on Gay UK Net
© Paul Towers 4/10/2000

Barbara Windsor

With the last of the Kray brothers dying this week it is, perhaps, appropriate that Barbara Windsor's autobiography should hit the shelves. ALL OF ME is just that, our Babs, warts and all. Just 4'10", she has teetered on her 6 inch heels down a rocky road that has seen her go from innocent chorus girl to bawdy Carry On-er to her final resting place as matriarch of the dysfunctional Mitchell family in Eastenders. Curiously, her current husband is called Scott Mitchell! Life has often been stranger than fiction for the cockney sparrow who first found fame on the screen in Sparrows Can't Sing. Her first appearance on the big screen was in Belles of St Trinians as an un-named schoolgirl in 1954 was followed by a series of forgettable roles in unmemorable films.
A trained stage actress, Babs' first job was in the chorus of Love From Lucy. A position she stayed in for 2 years until she started getting film roles, small at first but then came her starring moment in Sparrows Can't Sing. The story of east end privation was the perfect vehicle for the peroxide blonde bombshell.
An audition for Fings Aint What They Used To Be for Joan Littlewood almost ended her chances when she mistook the derelict-looking director for the cleaner. However, fate took a hand and her role led to other musical parts alongside her burgeoning film career.
Babs' really became a household name with her appearance in Carry On Spying and went on to do another 8 in the series between 1964 and 1974.
However, much as the public loved Barbara on the screen it was her off-screen life which really hooked them. Perennially cast by circumstance as the 'blonde' , in every sense of the word, Barbara lurched from one unsuitable relationship to another, sometimes simultaneously. Ronnie Knight (gangster), The Krays (more gangsters), Sid James (lothario) and of course, the inimitable Kenneth Williams (who accompanied her on honeymoon).
Read the book and you will be hard pressed to keep a straight face, or believe it can all have happened! Barbara is painfully honest, not only about all the characters that have drifted and fought their way in and out of her life, but also about herself. How can you not love a woman who admits that her second husband, Stephen Hollings, is quoted as saying 'If men saw her like I used to, trying to pose seductively on the end of the bed with saggy boobs and straggly clumps of grey hair, they'd run a mile'.
Now, in her sixties, Barbara has at last found her home, her destiny, behind the bar at the Queen Vic. Long may she be pulling pints and anything else that comes her way!

All Of Me is published by Headline at £14.99
First published on Gay UK Net
© Paul Towers 3/10/2000

Jane MacDonald

CARRY ON CRUISING

Throw Jane Macdonald back a hundred years and introduce her to Catherine Cookson and yet another airport bodice ripper would ensue. The story of success despite childhood deprivation is one of which Ms Cookson could make yet another million-selling book. Add to that the fact that it starts out in the North (Wakefield) and has a happy ending and mega sales would be a foregone conclusion.
However, as all avid viewers of BBC's The Cruise know only too well, this is real life and now it emerges that the happy ending may not be as happy as at first seems.
The 36 year old miner's daughter has been a professional singer since she was 18. For 12 years she flogged her way round the northern club circuit, just another girl singer doing the old numbers. She was never going to make it following in the well worn footsteps of a never ending queue of girl singers trying to be someone special. Female club singers were, and still are, ten-a-penny.
Just as her spirit was wilting a friend suggested she apply for the cruise liners. Sure she wouldn't get on she applied and won a short contract on a small ship moored in Tenerife. Five years later and she was still afloat when she landed a job on The Galaxy and fate, in the shape of the BBC, took a hand. Appearing for 12 weeks in the fly-on-the-wall phenomenon endeared Jane to the viewing public and ensured that her first album went straight to No.1. However, it was her stage fright and the battle to overcome it that won over any sceptics.
To take advantage of her affection in the hearts of the audience, the BBC arranged to do a one-off special on Jane's wedding to boyfriend Henrik. From there it was just a small step for a round of sell-out concerts, filling the Albert Hall and landing her very own TV series, Star For A Night, in which she attempts to do for other hopefuls what the BBC did for her.
But, behind this mask of good fortune lurks a shadow which, as shadows often do, threatens to bring it all tumbling around her shoulders.
Jane's childhood was blighted not so much by poverty but by emotional deprivation. Her father was a typical northern man, unable to show emotion. He compensated by pushing Jane in her career and acting as manager/roadie but was very strict with her. Now she has married a man who is, to all intents and purposes, her father reincarnate. Henrik shouts at her, bullies her and tells her how to dress and behave.
In her book, Follow Your Dreams, Jane tells of an incident when Henrik and she were on a romantic holiday and he told her she was too fat. The minute she got home she hired a personal trainer and dietician!
Reading Jane's book it seems that, despite all the success, she is an unhappy, insecure little girl. Very much an older version of Geri Halliwell!

Follow Your Dreams - Harper Collins £16.99
First published on Gay UK Net
© Paul Towers 3/1/2000

Betty Driver

For 31 years Betty Driver has been dispensing no-nonsense advice and hotpots to the regulars of Coronation Street's Rovers Return as Betty Williams (nee Preston, previously Turpin), Betty has graced the Street since 1969 when she arrived to help her sister Maggie Clegg run the corner shop. She quickly inveigled herself into a job behind the bar at the Rovers and has been there ever since.
Betty Driver MBE (awarded in January 2000) started her performing life as a glamorous actress in a string of films and stage shows before WW2. During the war she entertained the troops in ENSA and became a huge star as a singer with Henry Halls Band before becoming a solo star with a string of hits to her credit.
A world tour taking in Australia and the Middle East followed and she returned to England to appear in many Ealing Comedies. And all before she was even 32! Throughout the 50's and 60's Betty appeared on stage and TV frequently until she got the call from Coronation Street in 1969.
Betty Driver has no intention of retiring and looks set to be dishing up hotpots in the Rovers for the next 30 odd years, and long may she do so!

First published on Gay UK Net
© Paul Towers 8/9/2000

Doris Day

Doris Day, the saccharine sweet icon of Fifties movies and all that is kitsch, was, believe it or not, 77 years old in April.
Renowned for her on-screen partnership with Rock Hudson, she cemented her place in our hearts when she publicly stood beside him when he announced he had AIDS. In 1968 she retired from the movie world aged 44 following the death of her third husband Marty. However, having already signed to do a TV series she continued working until 1973. In 1976 she married again but since her divorce in 1980 has devoted her life to caring for animals.
Doris Day was born Doris Mary Ann Von Kapplehoff to German Catholic parents on April 13 in Cincinnatti. Her early aspirations to be a dancer were dashed when she was badly injured in a car crash. Desperate to perform she was sent for singing lessons and performed with local bands. She met her first husband Al Jordan, a trombonist, while touring with the Les Brown Band. Shortly after the birth of their son, Terry, in 1942 Doris decided she had had enough of Al's physical abuse and mental problems and divorced him.
This started a cycle of unsuitable marriages and she was scarcely out of Al's grips than she was marrying George Weidler in 1946. This lasted all of 8 months before he was dispatched via the divorce courts.
With two marriages behind her Doris needed a fresh start. Doing a screen test for Warner Brothers led to her being put under contract by them and in 1948 she made her first film, Romance of the High Seas. This was quickly followed by It's a Great Feeling and My Dream is Yours in 1949, 3 more in 1950 and 5 in 1951.
It was in 1951 she met and married Marty Melcher. Marty took over guiding her career and pushed her to make more and more films through the fifties and sixties until she became ill with exhaustion after making an astounding 39 movies in 20 years and accumulating 11 awards in the process. On his death she found that he had signed her to do a TV series and a number of TV specials.
When Marty died in 1968 Doris suddenly found that somehow she was bankrupt. However, court action finally reunited her with $22 million. Her last marriage was to Barry Comden and again only lasted 4 years.
Since then Doris has devoted her time and money to running the Cyprus Inn, a hotel, in Carmel, promoting the Doris Day Animal League and raising funds for the Doris Day Pet Foundation.

First published on Gay UK Net
© Paul Towers 2000

Sisters of Soul

So often the tag 'Diva' is attached willy nilly to any female singer with a propensity to being a drama queen or 'belter'. If you look the word up in the dictionary it says, quite simply, 'great woman singer'. For divas in the purest sense of the word you need look no further than the Sisters of Soul Tour currently making its way round the country.
Seen recently at The Academy, Peterborough, I was blown away by the sheer energy of the performances of Sybil and Angie Brown. I have know Angie for a while but rarely had the opportunity to see her work. I knew her as a ditzy, hyper fag hag. Now I have to say that she has my greatest respect as a performer. God only knows where she got her voice from but it sure don't look as though it comes from that little body! Sybil, similarly, produces a voice that is at odds with her stature. What really grabbed me by the balls that night was the ability both performers have of taking a recognised number and twisting and extemporising it until it becomes something else besides. And not only do they do this on their solo songs but have the uncanny knack of being able to do it on their shared numbers, without once treading on each other's toes - or notes!
Sybil has been churning out the hits for a decade now and is perhaps best known for her dancefloor filler 'If We Love Each Other'. Here most recent album, 'Still A Thrill', showed her enormous diversity and swung from smouldering deep soul to cool bass-driven workouts mostly written by the lady herself. Originally from New Jersey, Sybil was musically influenced from an early age. 'I love those old Broadway musicals' she told me, immediately explaining why she is such a fag hag, 'I was at a Catholic High School and was teaching all the other kids how to sing songs for a production of 'Oliver'.... I was pressurised into auctioning by one of the nuns who kept telling me how great my voice was. I couldn't believe it when I got the lead female part.'
From there it was short step to performing with the embryonic Atlantic Starr. 'I was writing a lot at the time and was asked to provide songs for a new vocal group. I recorded a demo which included 'Walk On By' ... and was basically offered a deal with Next Plateau Records.' The rest, as they say, is history.
Seen live Sybil has the most amazing energy and blames the audience for her strength. 'The love from the audience spurs me on.'
Angie Brown, a frequent performer on the gay circuit, couldn't have come from a more different background. Born in Sarf London, Ms Brown came from a totally musical family; her mother was the archetypal gospel singer while father played the mouth organ (don't sneer at the back!). Angie was a pretentious child - and anyone who has met her will agree that she has lost none of her enthusiasm in adulthood - and was often thrown out of class for singing in lessons. Despite that she managed to get six 'O' levels at College and went on the Drama School and then four years training her voice. Like all aspiring actors Angie had her share of menial jobs to make ends meet - can you imagine her as a Trolley Dolly or waitress? She's done it all. Her big break came when she was spotted by Carol Scott and she was hired to do backing vocals for Bizarre Inc where she screamed her now immortal line 'I'm gonna get you'. It went to No.2 in the charts and resulted in her appearing of TOTP. Another rather dubious claim to fame is that she talked dirty to Mark Morrison on 'Return Of The Mack'. Not something I'd brag about! Since then she has had a prodigious number of singing jobs, not only on albums but on commercials as well - yup, Angie Brown is on the Bodyform soundtrack! Angie's love of music is transparently obvious when you see her live. 'Singing on stage is better than sex' she told me recently, 'Singing is spiritual. I'm just not here.' Her appeal to the gay scene is everlasting and she will always be grateful, 'When the straight scene ignores me' - I can't see how! - 'I know the gays are always there for me. They're the best audience in the world'. The reception at The Academy proved it.
As The Sisters of Soul, Sybil and Angie are touring around the UK for the rest of June before spending July working in Spain and then back to the UK in August where they will be recording a duet together.

First published in Mag 69
© Paul Towers 1998

Joel Gray

At an amazing 66 years old Joel Gray is tiny, dapper and very relaxed but, get him onstage (currently playing Amos Hart in Chicago at The Adelphi Theatre, London), and he becomes an animated colossus. I caught up with the star that the New York Times called 'pure showbiz electricity' backstage at the Adelphi shortly before he went on for an evening performance. His first question to me was 'What is QX Magazine? Is it good?' and then asked for a copy. I'd taken the middle section out first. I wouldn't want to corrupt the corrupt MC from Cabaret on his first visit to London.
Did he realise that he had a huge gay fan base? 'Cabaret is very popular and a gay icon, as is Liza [Minnelli]. I hope I am'. Being always associated with just one, long running role would make many a soap star depressed but not Mr Grey. 'I did it for a year on Broadway [in 1966] and then I did the film for three months. Then I didn't do it again for 20 years' What he modestly neglects to mention is that that initial year gained him a Tony Award, the film got him an Oscar and the revival in 1986 earned him a Golden Globe Award.
Every production of Cabaret sees a very different interpretation of the MC and I asked Joel Grey how he had settled on his very definitive playing of the character. 'It was, as all acting is, a matter of trial and error and a lot of research. I looked at a lot of paintings of the period; listened to a lot of music of the period and ultimately I had Lotte Lenya [Frau Schreiber in the film] in the cast. She's a gay icon, too. She would say 'How do you know this?' and I don't know how I knew it. It was just one of those lucky things, the intuition went in the right direction.' The original concept for the MC was Hal Prince's [the director of the first tour] but Grey took it and made it into a symbol of both escapist entertainment and also the decay of Nazi Germany, both light and dark at the same time. When it came to making the film Bob Fosse's choreography helped highlight the MC character's interaction with his audience. Such was the search for reality in the film that each night club scene was shot in German - as well as in the final English - in front of a German audience to ensure that the right ribald reactions were captured on film.
Prior to the revival of Cabaret in 1987 Joel Grey embarked on what he called 'probably one of my most cherished memories' when he was in the New York production of Larry Kramer's The Normal Heart, the ground breaking drama about the author's fight to bring AIDS to the attention of both the gay community and the medical and political worlds. 'As difficult and painful as it was, you really thought you were doing something that was about something.'
Those of you that know him primarily from Cabaret will be surprised to learn that, apart from 16 films, Joel Grey has nearly 50 years of constant stage work under his belt, yet this is the first time he has graced the UK stage. 'I wanted to come over in 1966, I'd liked to have come over with Cabaret but George M came along,' which gained him a Tony Award nomination, 'so I did that for two and a half years.
Born in 1932, Joel Grey came from a theatrical family and first stepped onto a stage at the tender age of 9 playing Pud in On Borrowed Time. His father was Mickey Katz, 'A very popular Yiddish parodist, he would write parodies of the hit songs of the 50's. They were fantastic. He started out as a jazz musician, a clarinetist and then he was with a band call Spike Jones and The City Slickers [an early novelty record group very popular in the fifties on 78's]. Then he went on to doing his own songs. They were even in the charts. But I never learned to play an instrument.' But what of his mother? 'My mother secretly wanted to be an actress. I think that's how I got into acting so young.'
Last year saw Joel Grey in very illustrious company when he joined the dwindling band of Surviving Winners at the Oscars Ceremony 'All those legends. All I thought about was I wish I had my autograph book, or a bigger shirt tail.' His modesty refuses to let him admit to being something of a legend himself. 'You never see that about yourself, at least I don't' he added waspishly.
And now, finally, he has made it to London's West End (from August 17th for 3 months only) in Chicago, yet another revival but one which has somehow managed to reinvent itself and become a very 90's show. A lot of this is to do with Ann Reinking's choreography 'It's in the style of Bob Fosse [the original stage choreographer] but it's Ann Reinking's interpretation. I played in New York with Ann. She choreographed and played in it. It was remarkable.' From the night in May 1996 when the initial 4 night concert version sold out Joel Grey has been in the thick of the current revival 'Right from the inception.'
Chicago is the story of two women, Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly, awaiting trial for murder. Velma stands accused of cold-bloodedly shooting her husband and sister when she catches them in bed 'doing the spreadeagle'. Roxie, however, is up for shooting one Fred Casley, a nightclub patron, in her bed! Amos is persuaded to admit to shooting him, mistaking him for a burglar, until he realises Roxie is taking him for a dope. He retracts his admission and launches into his show stopping song, Mr Cellophane.
I asked him if he ever regretted not being in the original 1977 production 'No, never. It [Amos Hart] was always played as a big, six foot tall, dumb mechanic, and I never saw myself that way.' Being a five-foot-very-little, articulate actor hasn't stopped him making the part his own in this production. 'I like the part and I love the show and I've always wanted to play in England so it's a dream come true.' That's aside from the fact that he is garnering still more awards for his mantelpiece; The Drama Desk and Outer Critics Circle Awards so far.
Chicago, on at The Adelphi Theatre since November 1997, is currently booking to January 1999 and also stars Ruthie Heshall and Nicola Hughes (taking over from Ute Lemper).

First published in QX Magazine
© Paul Towers 17/8/1998

Joan Collins

23rd May 1998 was a very special day. Not only is it the birthday of one of my best friends but it was also the day that Joan Collins, one of the last remaining old-style movies stars, reached the ripe old age of 65. Yes, that's right, Alexis has passed the age of retirement, and she can still act most of these upstarts off a court-room floor, as Ransom House and Peter Holm have recently found to their cost.
Many will assume that our Joanie sprang fully formed from the shoulder pads of Alexis Carrington one memorable day in 1981 when she appeared in court against Blake Carrington on trial for the manslaughter of her gay son's lover - are you following this? But what you have to remember is that when she made her triumphant return to Hollywood she was already, at 48, well 'past it' and written off as just another old star suitable only for prime time cameos. But Joanie was never one to play by the rules.
On 23rd May 1933 (no matter what she or anyone else says, that IS her date of birth) Joan Henrietta Collins was born to Joe and Elsa; he was a Showbiz Agent in partnership with the legendary Lew (now Lord) Grade; she was a retired dance instructress. Looking down at his first-born Joe pronounced that 'she looks like half a pound of scrag end.' Never was a first impression so inaccurate.
Not only were Joan's parents steeped in showbiz but so, too, was her grandmother, Hettie, who taught the pre-school brat dance routines, songs, sketches and tricks on every occasion, culminating in the stage debut of Ms Joan Collins as a fairy in Why The Fairies Cried, at the age of three. The arrival of the Second World War and a sister, Jackie, did nothing to dampen the acting ambitions of Joan and at 12 she joined the theatrical school Cone-Ripman. Ms Collins got her first 'professional' engagement, playing a boy, in Ibsen's A Doll's House at the Arts Theatre in Charing Cross. In the fullness of time RADA beckoned and Joanie duly steeped herself in the student life with the likes of David McCullum, Diane Cilento and Gerald Harper, few of whom can claim the high profile staying power of Ms Collins.
A year after entering RADA Joan was offered the lead in a film version of Lady Godiva Rides Again followed swiftly by a part in The Woman's Angle , as a Greek serving wench, and in Judgement Deferred. Pretty impressive for an actress that had only done a year at RADA. Then Rank offered her a contract and a juvenile lead in I Believe In You, and Joanie, aged 18, had to give up RADA or the film. Rank and the film won out and 1952 was the start of everything. Everything included meeting her first husband, 32 year old Maxwell Reed, and, inbetween filming, notching up a prodigious number of appearances in plays around London. By 1953 she was wed to Reed, discovered that he was a self-centred bully and, after just 18 months together, left him when he tried to insist on watching her in bed with other guys. Joan never was to get good at picking husbands.
But, despite her appalling taste in husbands Joan's film career soared ever upward as Hollywood beckoned and she found herself playing a variety of 'bimbo' roles in various films whilst disporting herself around glitzy locations.

First published in QX Magazine
© Paul Towers 23/5/1998

Dorothy Squires (1915 - 1998)

As a child I was brought up in the suburbs of London. For the best part of my teenage years we lived in Bexley, Kent, a mere 14 miles from the centre of the metropolis. In those days (god, I sound like my grandmother!) the village teetered on the edge of the Green Belt and just a few hundred yards away were rolling heathland, fields and very posh houses.
In one of those posh houses lived the woman know to the locals as 'The Wicked Witch of the West'. Ms Dorothy Squires, star of stage and screen. A belter of a singer in the Ethel Merman mould but not someone you wanted to live next to, nor even in the same village.
The tales of her abuse of local tradesmen was legendary; her abuse of the local constabulary regularly landed her on the wrong side of the law. Then, in the early seventies, the house burnt down and she saved only her jewels and a box of love letters from Roger Moore, her ex-husband. And there in her hands were the two things that mattered most to her in the world. Her one enduring love, Roger Moore, and her stage accoutrements.
For the next 20 years she railed against the one and wore out the other. It was only in 1997 that she and Moore were finally reconciled and it was the film star who paid all her hospital bills of late. She gave up the fight on Tuesday 14th April 1998 when cancer finally managed to sink the indomitable Dorothy Squires at the ripe old age of 83. If the gods had been kinder she would have died in her prime and been a legend. As it was she fought her way into her dotage and long outlived her reputation in most people's eyes.
On Saturday 17th March 1990 I travelled down from London to Brighton to see 'An Evening With Dorothy Squires' at The Dome. The legend I saw onstage that night lived up to the caricature portrayed by a hundred drag queens of the seventies and eighties. A tiny figure swathed in organza clutching a flower belting out old numbers that filled every corner of the theatre. Never mind that she forgot most of the words except the chorus; never mind that she swayed drunkenly about the stage and never mind that her language would have made a docker blush. Her star quality oozed across the footlights. Like Judy and Marilyn before her it was her very fallibility that endeared her to her legions of loyal fans across the years. In this, her last ever performance (although we didn't know it), she, as ever, gave her all. Well, all that there was left to give.
Dot, as she was affectionately known to her fans, was born Edna May Squires on March 25th 1915 in a caravan in a field in South Wales. And it was to South Wales that the worn out star finally returned to in 1995, wondering if she could, just one more time, rise from the ashes. But it was not to be. This time she was down, never to rise again.
Dorothy's rise to prominence began, to all intents and purposes, when she left Wales at the age of 15 for London and the fabled gold-paved streets. She trained as a nurse but always wanted to sing. Her chance came when she was spotted performing in cabaret by band leader and composer Billy Reid. Over the next 11 years Reid groomed and directed his protege to stardom on radio and records as well as in panto. However, Reid became ever more possessive and eventually Dorothy decided it was time to move on. When they divided up the spoils of their relationship (they never married. He was already wed) he got the Astoria Theatre, Llanelli and she got the house in Bexley. That year saw her at the pinnacle of her career. Much in demand on both sides of the Atlantic, she often had acts like Morecombe & Wise as her support act.
The summer of 1952 saw Dorothy throwing yet another of her fabled parties and the arrival of her future downfall. Roger Moore.
Moore, at that time still a struggling actor and part-time model (most famously for knitting patterns) was married but that didn't stop them seeing each other and, soon afterwards, moving in together. Moore's wife divorced him and he and Dorothy married in 1953 in Jersey City.
Coincidentally soon after, Roger Moore's acting career started to take off and he landed the lead in Ivanhoe (1958), a TV series on the embryonic commercial network ITV. His star was in the ascendant while Dorothy's was beginning to fade. It was at this time that they decided that having children would be a good idea. Both wanted them but, after several miscarriages, it seemed that something was wrong. Of course, it had to be a problem with Roger. At Dorothy's urging Moore went to see a specialist in America. Returning with a prescription for 'baby pills' they set to again, but to no avail. She still couldn't carry to full term.
By 1961 Dorothy's career was on the ascendant again and she re-entered the charts with her anthem, penned by her, 'Say It With Flowers'. Cresting the wave of popularity she looked down into the trough only to hear Roger Moore saying that he was leaving her for an Italian actress called Luisa. Such was Dorothy's ire that she started on what was to become a lifetime obsession with litigation. Her first foray into the legal minefield which is the British legal system was with a suit against Roger Moore for 'restitution of conjugal rights', an ancient and archaic statute which is still enshrined in the law. Surprisingly, she won and the judge ordered Moore to return to the marital bed within 28 days. He, understandably, refused. Eventually, in 1968, Dottie finally admitted that her marriage was over and petitioned for divorce on the grounds of desertion. However, a year later the News of the World (and why am I not surprised at this) published a totally ficticious 'account' of Dorothy's view of the marriage. She sued and got £16,000. With two wins to her name Squires thought she was legally invincible and spent the next two decades suing anyone and everyone. Usually unsuccessfully. Her issuing of writs finally became so prolific that the then Attorney General barred her from launching any further legal actions without express permission from the High Court.
In 1970, convinced that all and sundry had written her off, she invested the only thing she had left, her talent, in a bravado gesture. She hired the London Palladium for the night at a cost of £5,000 and was not surprised when it sold out within 4 hours. She was back on top and she went on to storm round all the other big venues of the world with sellout nights at the Royal Albert Hall and Carnegie Hall amongst others. All may have looked bright and sparkly on the surface but, beneath the glamour and the glitz her aching heart was gnawing away as she became more and more dependant on alcohol. In 1986 she was declared bankrupt (something she refused to admit) and in 1988 she lost her last possession, her house in Bray. This was the final straw. Despite being discharged from bankruptcy in 1989 and that final concert in 1990 Dorothy Squires was a broken woman.
For the final 8 years of her life she scraped by on the charity of friends and devoted fans until she finally gave up the fight in a hospital in South Wales. The woman was a monster in real life but, somehow she never sold her fans and devotees short, so they forgave her.

 First published in QX Magazine
© Paul Towers 14/4/1998

Chris Quentin

Off the Street and into the Club

When Chris Quentin (Brian Tilsley) left Coronation Street in 1989 and followed his then wife, Leeza Gibbons, to America to carve out a Hollywood career many said it would end in tears. And it did. But Chris has never been one to crumble beneath adversity. True to form he returned to the UK and reinvented himself, turning his hand to 'anything which is to do with presenting, standing up with a microphone. I do my cabaret act, my DJ act and I'm also on the after dinner circuit'.
Prior to getting the part in Coronation Street Chris Quentin (born Bell) had not 'just appeared from nowhere' but had a respectable pedigree in TV and films with parts in Warship, Target, The Pink Medicine Show, The Little Big Show and a part opposite Tatum O'Neal in International Velvet.
For eleven years Brian Tilsley was the constant man in Gail's life and the bane of his mother Ivy's, until his untimely death at the hands of a yob outside a nightclub where Brian was romancing behind his wife's back. His departure from The Street is not something that Chris wants to rake over yet again as he feels that enough has been said in the last ten years to last a lifetime. 'If I'm not careful I'll spend my whole day talking about it. I've spoken about it all my life, now I don't want to speak about that. But, if it's a lovely old lady who comes and speaks to me then I'll speak to her as long as she likes. If someone is a genuine fan and I can see they are really getting off on talking about it then I don't mind at all.'
Nowadays Chris' life is so busy it's hard to see how he fits it all in. He has a full schedule of cabaret appearances, gala openings, after dinner speaking and his regular job as Promotions Manager at Stringfellows club in London. 'I don't like the title of Promotions Manager. I host Friday and Saturday nights. I look after and oversee the actual atmosphere of the club. I enjoy being in that party atmosphere. I invite pretty girls and celebrity friends into the club to create the right atmosphere. I've known Peter [Stringfellow] for about 20 years and he is an old and good friend to me. He gives me a lot of space to operate. Nobody is breathing down my neck saying you're giving away too many drinks.'
Well known in tabloid press for his wild partying days, working in Stringfellows seems to be the perfect place for Chris to end up at. 'If I wasn't working there I'd be out Friday and Saturday anyway. I'd be spending money instead of making it.' Between his stints at Stringfellows Chris has other means to earn a living. 'When I was in Coronation Street, how I made so much money was because I was forever doing live performances, personal appearances, singing with my band.' Nowadays he doesn't tour with a band but he still sings for his supper on a regular basis. 'I now work with backing tracks, it's a lot easier. I also have a comedy Rock 'N' Roll act. I used to do rock 'n' roll when I was in the Street but now I've added a lot more comedy. I get a couple of guys up dressed as Bet Lynch and Vera Duckworth. They steal the show. The audience ends up standing and clapping and singing along.'
Chris also finds the time to do panto every year. I asked him where he found the energy for it all. 'I don't sleep a lot.' I think he was only half joking. 'I eat well and train. I look after myself. I'm fitter now than I ever was. I eat cereals, salads, potatoes, fish, loads of fruit and loads of water.' Looking at him I wished that I'd made an effort when I was younger. 'It's never too late. What will take the time is getting out of the bad habits, that certain lifestyle, the way you live and eat. You can't suddenly change overnight.'
Chris Quentin, one-time hell-raiser and 'disgraced ex-Coronation Street star' has certainly come a long way in 10 years. As he said, it's not happened overnight but, at last, he seems to have found his niche in life and, at 40, is happier, and fitter, than he ever has been.
Chris Quentin can be seen on Channel 5 in Club Culture on Wednesday 15th July at 8.30pm and on Granada Plus in Coronation Street.

First published in Thud
© Paul Towers 9/1997

Ken Kerchaval

If you are hooked up to Cable or Satellite TV then from 15th June, on UK Gold, you can indulge yourself in a fest of the full 356 episodes of Dallas. So settle back with a chilled glass of Sue Ellen Vodka and revel in the seemingly endless story of oil, power, money and shoulder pads; guess again at the bedroom permutations of JR, Sue Ellen, Bobby, Pammie and Cliff Barnes; hiss and boo at The Poison Dwarf, Lucy; long to slap the ineffectual and wimpy Gary round the head; and bake scones to the authentic Miss Ellie recipe.
Who'd have thought that a five-part mini-series originally aired in 1978 would not only run for 13 years, spawn 3 films - the 'Early Years' and two 'Reunions' - but would grip the world to such an extent that when JR was shot it attracted 24 million UK viewers and even made the 'News At Ten'. All this from a series that Variety magazine embarrassingly described at the time as 'a limited series with a limited future'.
Dallas is the everyday story of country folk in oil-rich Texas, the Ewings. Jock Ewing heads the family that owns one of the richest oil empires in Texas. They have autonomy in the business world but are the most disfunctional family since the Munsters. Jock conducts business in the 'old, honest and true' traditions of his forefathers but this is at odds with the ideals of eldest son JR who wants to get what he wants at any cost. The cost is most dearly paid by his long suffering dipsomaniac wife, Sue Ellen. Second son, Bobby, is straight out of the Jock mould and plays by the book. He's married to Pammie (Victoria Principal pre-Dana snip), daughter of Jock's arch rival, Digger Barnes, also father of Cliff. Are you following this?
While JR, Jock and Bobby outwardly played happy families they were tearing each other's throats out behind closed doors. No-one was more happy about this than Cliff Barnes, attorney turned oilman when his father got ill. It was Cliff's role in life to needle the Ewings and try and expose their treachery - he was also Sue Ellen's long-time lover. I caught up with Ken Kercheval on his way to a TV appearance and asked him whether he realised that Dallas had a huge gay following, 'No, I didn't know that. That's the first time I've heard that.'
Sitting in limousine being shuttled across London Ken looks no different from his days on Southfork. Relaxed and dapper he looks well and carries no sign of the early career struggles when he was selling encyclopedias and working as a sewer-line dynamiter to subsidise his acting career. Remarkably he is 67 and taller and sleeker than he appears on screen, Ken looks younger than the Cliff Barnes we all know and love for his downtrodden-ness. Success obviously agrees with Ken Kercheval; asked why he thought the show had such appeal he replied 'It's all that fornicating and drinking. Real southern Baptist behaviour.'
When the original 13 year series ended two TV Movies were produced. Cliff Barnes was in the first but not the second. Some sources suggested that Ken was fuming over his exclusion. 'I was annoyed because in the paper the other day someone had quoted me as saying that I was miffed because I wasn't in it [the second TV Movie] and that was absolutely not true. I was surprised that I wasn't in it. Initially I think my feelings were hurt a little bit. But I just wasn't in it. I watched it and the storyline was about the three brothers so it didn't really involve Cliff. So, it's no big deal and I certainly wasn't angry or miffed about it. It's the powers-that-be that say how scripts go. I don't write the scripts. I don't have control over that and they felt that they wanted to do a story about the brothers and that's fine. Our lives go on.'
With the news that a third TV Movie is on the cards I asked him how he wanted to return to Dallas. 'In the second Reunion Show Cliff got out of the oil business, he was through with the oil business and he was going off to be with Afton and his new-found daughter and star a new life over. He was tired of the oil business and one thing and another. Do you know what it requires for Cliff to come back? It just requires JR saying "Guess who's back in town?". It's that simple. They don't have to go dig me up or anything. Or thaw me out from suspended animation in outer space or even finding me in a shower alive, with anybody.'
The conversation turned to the seriousness (or otherwise) of the series, 'You know, someone mentioned to me, there is this disease Neuro Fibron Atosis (NFA) which is hereditary within the Barnes family. It's not a very well known disease and it is one of the good things that happened in the show because so many people that were involved with NFA wrote in being so grateful that we had brought that to the attention of the public. So there was a question that Cliff had been sleeping with Sue Ellen and then all of a sudden she gets pregnant and it turns out to be JR's baby. The storyline went that he just popped her one night and Cliff had been popping her all the time. The baby turned out to be his. I didn't think that was right. I always thought that the baby should have been mine, that they got back together [JR & Sue Ellen] and I got to go to Southfork every weekend to pick up our son. Which would have really fried JR's brains.'
I'd heard that Ken originally wanted the part of cowboy Ray Krebbs. Would he have made a good wrangler? 'No, that wasn't the part I originally got called to rad for. I always got called in to read for doctors and lawyers. I said to my Agent, dammit, I'm a country boy from Indiana and I always get to play the white collar guys, I wanna play a cowboy. So I went over and read for Cliff and then they said thank you very much, in an exclusive kinda way,and I said excuse me I was told I could read for Ray Krebbs. So they kinda looked at each other and said well, OK, turn to page 40. They were kinda placating me. I read the pants off that scene. I mean, I really gave it the real cowboy thing. I hadn't been a cowboy since I was six years old. I left feeling pretty confident and then I got a call a couple of days later and my agent says OK you've got the part. I said great. But they want you to play the lawyer. I said, well, OK. I had to pay the rent. As it turned out I'm really glad that they'd had a better insight into casting than I did. I enjoyed playing Cliff a lot.
What about Ken Kerchavel, Director? After all, Larry Hagman and Patrick Duffy directed episodes of Dallas. 'Yes, I directed the next from last episode. I had been offered the opportunity many years before but I didn't take advantage of it. So, the year before we quit I directed one. The bottom line is that I am not a director, I'm an actor, but I thought what other opportunity am I going to have to direct a prime time show? Nobody's going to knock on my door to do that so I might as well do it for the experience. So I did it. I enjoyed it. But I have to say that Patrick [Duffy] and Larry [Hagman] are very good directors. They have a keen eye, they're head and shoulders above my ability to direct. As a matter of fact Larry, after the show was over, he used to go down and direct some of 'In The Heat Of The Night' and he called me up and I went down and did one for him.
Just because Dallas is, in effect, no longer in production doesn't mean Ken is idle. 'I have a format for a series now, which is in the works. I don't know if I want to be involved in it [acting]. I would really like to go back and do more stage work. I worked in Canada last year for two and a half months on stage and I would really like to do more. I was in New York a couple of months ago talking to Hal Prince about taking over the role of Captain Andy in Showboat. I've worked with Hal before in Fiddler on the Roof and Cabaret on Broadway. I got a note from him that the next time the role is available we'll have you for it. I'd love to do it.
In the early years, before success in Dallas stabilised his life, Ken had an acknowledged alcohol problem. Does it still shadow his life? 'No. Absolutely not. Alcohol has no part in my life. It is a very selfish disease. It is just hiding from your problems. It crosses all barriers, whether you are a plumber or lawyer, rich or poor makes no difference. If you want it you will find a way to get it.'
Dallas returned to our screens on June 15th at 11am and 2pm every weekday on UK Gold.

First published in Thud
© Paul Towers 9/1997

Liza Minelli

Yes, the entertainer's entertainer is back, and not a day too soon. It has been 6 long years since Ms Liza Minnelli has graced these shores in performance mode. It is high time that all those showbiz wannabes grasping at the edge of the stage were shown what a good old-fashioned get-up-on-a-stage-and-knock-'em-dead performer can do. And Liza with a Z sure knows how to knock 'em dead, even better than her mother could.

Somewhere over the rainbow
At 7:58 on the morning of 12th March 1946 Liza Minnelli was born, by carefully planned cesarean section to Judy Garland and Vincente Minnelli, a big star and a big director. MGM had another twinkle in the firmament of stars that they boasted were more numerous than the heavens themselves. And one of the first of those stars to visit the new star was Frank Sinatra. It was a promising start. But all was not well in the Land of Oz and, while the adult Minnellis struggled to make their marriage work, baby Liza was stuck in the middle. Unusually, Judy and Vincente competed with each other by seeing who could spoil the new arrival the most. Father Minnelli was the most doting of parents and revelled in spending time with his beloved daughter, playing with her, reading to her, spoiling her rotten. Judy, on the other hand, had a very hard time of it trying desperately not to repeat her mother's mistakes. Being a super mega star, always being the centre of everyone's attention, it was very difficult for Judy to suddenly become second-fiddled by an adorable baby. But try her damndest she did. Judy's mother had metamorphosised from mother to manager the minute Judy showed talent. Judy was determined not to do that with Liza.

When little bluebirds fly
From the age of 2 Liza began to be aware that all was not as it should be in her family. Judy was getting depressed, suicidal, drunk while Vincente was stoical. Then the day came that Judy was admitted to a Sanatorium for the first of many 'treatments' to dry her out, wean her off drugs. Little Liza was there, visiting in the hospital, seeing the pain and anguish.
This trauma was, however, greatly relieved by her father taking her to work with him. Imagine, the whole of MGM was her playground. Although never pushed into showbiz it was inevitable that constant exposure to studios and film-making from an early age would seep into her very blood. At 5 years old she demanded of her father that one day he would direct her. 23 years later it really happened in A Matter of Time, the only film they worked on together (apart from a minor carry-on appearance in The Pirate as a babe-in-arms).

Birds fly over the rainbow, why then oh why can't I?
In December 1950 Judy and Vincente finally decided to call it a day and announced their separation prior to divorce. Liza, who was still less than 5 years old, was forced to become her mother's older sister, housekeeper, friend, social worker and divorce counsellor. Her mother was not the type of woman who could cope with life alone so it didn't take long for Liza to acquire a new 'daddy' in the shape of the highly undesirable Sidney Luft. It was due to the efforts of Sid Luft that Judy and Liza ended up in London doing a four week stint. This was to be the beginning of a lifelong love affair with British audiences that has been handed down from mother to daughter. It was also in London that Liza finally earned her wings and realised that she was as talented, if not more so, than her mother.
After spending her teenage years learning her craft in regional theatre, summer stock and drama groups, little Liza was about to knock the world's socks off. Judy Garland, a mere five years for this world, had sort of come to terms with the fact that her daughter was someone to be proud of. Perhaps she finally realised she had the means to pay back Liza for all the years of tempestuous living. Or perhaps it was just that Judy didn't want to do it alone. Whatever the motivation the end result was that mother and daughter finally shared the same stage at The London Palladium on 8th November 1964 and the eternal mother-daughter power struggle that happens in every family was played out before the world. And Liza won, hands down!
Another defining moment happened on that winter evening in London. Liza met her first husband, Peter Allen (born Peter Woolnough in Australia).
Judy Garland had first met Peter when he was one half of the Allen Brothers working the hotel circuit in the Hong Kong Hilton. Ever the fag hag, she immediately liked Peter and even took over managing the duo. She booked them into venue in the UK to coincide with her concerts and then, in true mother style, started matchmaking Liza and Peter. It worked, and on 3rd March 1967 they were married. However, before that Liza fought her way into the show Flora, The Red Menace. The show is now (and was then) largely forgotten but it did get Liza the first of an impressive collection of awards. This time a Tony, her first. Even more important, to Liza at least, was that it brought her into contact for the first time with John Kander and Fred Ebb. It also put Liza in a very strong position to campaign for her dream part, that of Sally Bowles in Cabaret.
Fred Ebb has, over the years, been the sole driving force behind Liza Minnelli's stage persona. He has written songs for her, advised her on staging, been her friend, mentor and collaborator. Liza has said 'I think I am just a figment of Fred Ebb's imagination'. Under his guidance Liza quickly became her own person and not just Judy Garland's daughter.
In between cabaret tours Liza somehow found time to make her screen debut in a lead role. Charlie Bubbles was not a success and swiftly disappeared into the ether. But it left behind it some good reviews of Liza's performance.
By 1968 Judy's behaviour, brought on by chemical abuse, was becoming more and more bizarre and she took to abandoning or ejecting Lorna and Joey, her children by Sid Luft. To avoid their being abandoned newly weds Liza and Peter took the 15 and 12 year olds in to live with them.
1969 was a very good and a very bad year. It was very good because Liza got an Oscar nomination for The Sterile Cuckoo and it was very bad because, as all queens know, that was the year that Judy died and the light went out in the Emerald City forever.
In March 1970 Peter and Liza separated, Peter followed his heart and, on the way to a very successful cabaret career, returned to his gay ways. Liza, on the other hand, had inherited her mother's ex-lover, Kay Thompson, as her closest friend and constant companion, and embarked on a succession of high profile, and often ill-fated, love affairs. By the end of the year Liza was delighted to be told that the part of Sally Bowles in cabaret was hers at the age of just 25. In July 1974 Peter and Liza finally got divorced and in September Liza married Jack Haley Jnr, the son of Dorothy's Tin Man.
In July 1975, with a couple of less than successful films under her belt, Liza was asked to step in at the last moment to replace a sick Gwen Verdon in the part of Roxie Hart in the opening run of Chicago. The five weeks of her run sold out in less than 12 hours. Once finished she then embarked on her long awaited film with her father, A Matter of Time, a resounding flop when it opened in October 1976. By this time Liza and Jack's marriage was showing signs of wear and, in the two years of pre-production for New York, New York, Liza is said to have found comfort with director Martin Scorsese, amongst others.
Despite a very successful career as a cabaret/concert artist, Liza was desperate for another film success like Cabaret. But she wasn't about to sit around waiting for it to land in her lap. There were plenty of other projects to occupy her energy filled days with. With New York, New York in the can Liza was free to pursue other things until she was required for promoting the film. Kander and Ebb, hoping to recreate the success of Cabaret, had been hired to rehash a musical originally called In Person, based on the true story of one Michelle Craig, a well known and respected singer. Retitling it Shine It On and finally The Act, the show was dogged with problems. Kander and Ebb insisted that Liza was the perfect actress for the lead; Liza insisted that Martin Scorsese, her current lover, was the perfect director; Liza also insisted that the costume designer, Theadora Van Runkle, be replaced by her old friend Halston. He redesigned all her costumes at a cost of $100,000, which Liza paid for herself! In the tryouts the production was panned. Scorsese was replaced - he was after all a film director, not a stage director, let alone a musical stage director - and musical legend Gower Champion was brought in to sort out the mess. He pared back the storyline and made it into more of a Liza Minnelli concert than a stage musical. It worked a treat and the show was a resounding success in New York and she won a Tony for it.
By 1978 Jack and Liza's marriage was on the skids. Another year; another divorce and another husband on the horizon. Mark Gero started off as a stagehand on The Act, progressed to being her concert tour stage manager/lover and finally, in December 1979, her husband (No. 3). Still in the euphoria of yet another honeymoon Liza embarked on another stinker of a film, Arthur, with Dudley Moore and Sit John Gielgud. Coincidentally her ex-husband (No.1), Peter Allen, wrote the theme song of the film, Arthur's Theme.
For the next 4 years she criss crossed the globe doing concerts before returning to The States in 1983 to start rehearsals for yet another Kander and Ebb smash, The Rink. But all was not well with Ms Minnelli. Rapidly staring middle age in the face she became more and more obsessed with not ending up like her mother. Under enormous emotional strain she became hypochondriacal and finally checked into the Betty Ford Clinic with her sister Lorna Luft to try and sort out her chemical dependency and alcohol abuse. It also gave her a chance to finally confront her feelings over her mother's death. For many years since she has followed a cycle of clean-up, live straight, slip back, check in, clean up. And then her beloved father died.
After another messy funeral when the various children were at odds as to how it should be conducted, Liza once again threw herself into her work with a gruelling concert tour with Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jnr. In 1988 she teamed up with Dudley Moore again to film Arthur II. On the face of it a bad move but, surprisingly, the film was better received than Arthur.
In 1990 Halston, Liza's long-time (platonic) companion died of AIDS; 7 weeks later Sammy Davis Jnr, long time friend and co-performer, died of cancer. That year also saw the death of Liza's marriage to Mark. In 1992 Liza's first husband, Peter Allen, also died of AIDS. Thus began Liza's seemingly interminable round of AIDS Benefits culminating, for many, when she appeared at the Freddy Mercury Memorial Benefit alongside our very own Princess Tinymeat.
However, the worst blow came in 1994 when she was admitted to hospital for hip replacement. But, after a successful operation she was back in in 1997 to have the other one done and, just like the Queen Mum, is happily skipping around like a colt again. Perhaps she will not have the energy to take on another stage role again, or perhaps she will. But her concert-giving career is far from over. As long as she can stand she can sing.
Liza Minnelli will be in concert at Manchester NYNEX on 5th June; Birmingham NEC on 7th June and at The Royal Albert Hall on 10-12 June. Don't even bother phoning the RAH, it sold out ages ago; but there are still a very few tickets left for Birmingham and Manchester. Catch it if you can. I'm going to Birmingham.

First published in Thud
© Paul Towers 9/1997

Robert Llewellyn

The first thing you notice when meeting Robert Llewellyn, star of Red Dwarf, is that he is rather good looking and doesn't speak with an American accent. 'I can put it on. I've spent rather a lot of time over there, which is how we ended up doing it [as Kryton in Red Dwarf]. It was one I could sustain without having to think about it. It was meant to be friendly mid-western, mid-atlantic.'
So, I wondered, how did a successful actor in a long running sci-fi series get to write an off-the-wall reworking of the Pygmalion story? 'It's my first published novel; it's my fifth published book. All the others were non-fiction. It's what I have been trying to do for as long as I care to remember. I think I had my first novel rejected when I was 19 or 20. I've been trying to do it for that long. It was always what I wanted to do; it's really been a combination of life taking over and other jobs taking over. So I'm very grateful now; it's easier if you're over 40, you have a lot more people and things, places to call on. If you get stuck up a blind alley you go I know, I'll make him like so-and-so I met in 1972. You've got a lot more history of your own to call on, which I do. I ruthlessly call on mine. Even if you don't do it consciously, and I do it consciously. When members of my family read my stuff they go But that's your cousin so-and-so, and it genuinely hasn't occurred to me. It was just something that came out. Where it came out from was something that happened to me when I was 8 that I'd forgotten about.'
Although the beginning of The Man On Platform Five (out now from Hodder & Stoughton price £14.99) is very Pygmalion, Robert is at pains to point out that that is where the similarity ends. 'The premise, the beginning, is exactly Pygmalion. It's two people having a wager on whether they can change a third into the sort of person that they want. Except it's two women and they're trying to change a man. The story doesn't follow Pygmalion at all, it's a totally different story. But the original idea is exactly that, I'm not trying to hide that. He's a guy who works in a supermarket. He's got a low-rent job, he's not that fashionable and he's not particularly interesting. He lives with his Mum, he's not married , he's 31 and he's on the Internet a lot. He has all the cliches of a nerdy guy but, as they get to know him they get to realise that there's more to him than meets the eye. It's a romantic comedy.'
Having come from a relatively privileged background only to 'drop out' to live the hippy lifestyle in the 70's, Robert is, perhaps, ideally suited to chronicling the life of an outsider who gets 'inside'. 'Not particularly, but my sister told me that it was a self portrait, that that is what I am like now, which I find a bit depressing. So, in a sense, I relate to him [Ian, the hero of The Man On Platform Five] because [as a child] I didn't do anything normal. I wish I had. I'm trying to do normal things now. He doesn't quite fit into the fashionable world. He works in a supermarket and is very into bulk retailing. He's not really an outsider.' If that is the case then what, I wanted to know, did Robert do in terms of research for the character? 'I spent a lot of time in supermarkets talking to people who work there, trolling up and down the aisles.'
Having portrayed Kryton in Red Dwarf for ten years (series eight is halfway through filming and will hit our screens in the New Year) Llewellyn is, some would say, ideally placed to observe anorak culture at its finest. 'Lots of people put down Red Dwarf fans by saying Don't you get tired of seeing all those anoraks.? Well, I don't, cos I don't see any anoraks. There are definitely Red Dwarf fans who fit the bill. There are some very weird ones, but they are a tiny minority. The vast majority that we meet at conventions are just obsessively keen on the show. You wouldn't be able to pick them out on an identity parade as being nerdy sci-fi fans. They look just like you or anybody. I have to admit, though, that I have been to a Dwarf/Trek convention in America and some of the Trekkies are pretty much on the edge of what we would classify as normal.'
During the 80's Robert was doing a lot of writing, plays, sketches and even a sitcom for Channel 4. 'Nobody remembers that, thank god. It was called The Corner House. It wasn't very funny. Very much sit and very little com. I was also writing a sketches for a theatre group called The Joeys which toured all over the country. That's where my writing really took off. I was writing comedy sketches, monologues and songs which were, 2 days later, on stage in front of 500 people. If they didn't laugh I realised very quickly. It was a great training ground. I have a stack of scripts from that period 10 feet high.' It was at the same time that his breakthrough play, Mamo, Robot Born Of Woman, was conceived. 'Some hippy friends of mine from Amsterdam moved to Los Angeles to do special effects on Robo Cop. I went to LA in 1987 and stayed with them. They took me to the premiere of Robo Cop and it just made me scream with laughter. I then had this idea for a robot that wasn't designed for killing but to be rather nice. A PC, New Man before there was such a term. But the more he observed male behaviour the more of an idiot he became. The actor I'd written the part for couldn't do it and I had to; Paul Jackson, producer at the time of Red Dwarf, saw the play and me, so it was a real fluke I came to be in Red Dwarf. I sort of fell in through the back door and I wasn't even pushing. The first series I ever did, which was series three, ended with a huge party in Manchester with all the people who'd ever been in it. Everyone was really pleased with three series. I was pleased that I'd got into the show on the tail end of it. No-one realised it would keep going.'
Of course, being in a long running series has it's draw backs but being the body inside the rubber mask of Kryton has its own, special problems. 'It's not as bad as it was. It's the time spent in the makeup room was really debilitating. By the time you got on set you were tired and you'd had enough. It was five hours the first series, three hours in the second and now it's about an hour. During production it does isolate you from the rest of the world, wearing that thing. It is very peculiar to stand near someone wearing a square rubber head that looks like a half chewed rubber tip pencil. Some people can't handle it, they walk past you and pretend you're not there. I imagine it's what being facially disfigured is like. Some people are nice and talk to you and some just turn away.' And there are other, more unexpected, side effects when the mask is removed. 'The glue that they use to attach it to my face is so strong that they have to use a special oil to remove it and that degrades the rubber. The mask only lasts a day. It's destroyed every time. When the director shouts Clear I can't tell you how quickly the back gets ripped off. It does get horribly hot under there and it does mess up your thermostat. I feel incredibly hot for a few weeks after, even if it's cold I can walk outside in a T-shirt.'
The Man On Platform Five is the story of two half-sisters, Gresham and Eupheme, who have bickered with each other throughout their life and, stuck in Milton Keynes on a train, relieve the boredom by betting each other that they can take Ian Ringfold, archetypal sad trainspotter and anorak clad mummy's boy, and turn him into a sophisticated man about town welcomed into the beds of the rich and famous. The journey upwards reveals rather more in the trainspotter than either ladies could have guessed and the comic and incisive narrative of Robert Llewellyn keeps the reader gripped in laughter from page one.

First published in Thud
© Paul Towers 9/1997